content/trigger warning: lengthy discussion of religion and spirituality, brief mention of a suicide attempt
I'm a spiritual person, but I wasn't always that way. Here's what changed me:
My mother's a very spiritual woman. She raised me to be Christian and has always talked to me about God and related subjects. (She even put "I Love Jesus" barrettes in my hair.) My mom bought me two children's Bibles - a small one when I was really little, and a bigger one when I was a little older - but I didn't read them much. I guess I had so much going on at the time I didn't even bother to read them very often.
My mom and I didn't go to church because she worked on Sundays, but she talked about Heaven and hell and how Jesus loves all the little children and things like that.
I think my mother got her spiritual guidance from my grandmother. Now she and her family were always going to church - if you were in that household, you went to church! My mother didn't go to church growing up, but my grandmother, who is her mother, taught her about God.
I've just started a close relationship with God myself. When I was going through a lot of stuff, I thought God didn't love me. I thought He didn't love me because I was queer and trans. I thought I was going through all that stuff because I was LGBTQ, and this was my punishment for it. Now I realize that God loves me just as I am, and He has never left my side.
A couple of months ago, I attempted suicide. I was just so overwhelmed with everything that I couldn't take it anymore. Well, I had to go to the psych ward of the hospital for a week. While I was there, I prayed, read Joyce Meyer affirmations and sang spiritual songs to keep myself occupied.
When I got out of the hospital, I felt this strange feeling of joy. Not just because I was out of the hospital, but because I realized that I had survived - I survived all that pain and turmoil of depression, and I was now stronger than ever!
Recently, a friend said that she didn't want to be friends anymore. I was pretty sad about that, but I just tell myself over and over again that she was never my friend to begin with. A true friend is forever and is out looking for my best interests - and that friend is my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Today, I go to a Metropolitan Community Church. It's excellent - the people there are very nice and it's very welcoming.
I still have bad days sometimes, but when I fall, I know that God will be there to catch me.
Friday, July 22, 2016
Tuesday, June 21, 2016
Overcoming internalized Ableism
content/trigger warning: lengthy discussion of internalized ableism, ABA, suicdial ideation
I've been through a lot in my short 25 years. I was bullied, ridiculed, excluded, and made to feel like I was inferior to others.
When I was diagnosed as Autistic at age 3, I was immediately placed in special education, and that''s where my nightmare began.
I was also subject to ABA-like therapies. I was told not to hum, repeat phrases as part of my echolalia, or stim, among other things.
I tried really hard to fit in with my peers because I was ashamed of being autistic. I was ashamed of being who I was.
It really took a toll on me. I tried to commit suicide twice - once when I was 21 and again just a few months ago.
After my second suicide attempt, I had to be hospitalized. While I was there, I prayed, sang inspirational songs and read Joyce Meyer devotionals.
I started to grow stronger in my Christian faith, and not I realize that all the ableism I internalized over the years is the devil's lies to try and bring me down.
Today, my self-esteem is much higher than it was before, I'm grateful for the Lord for saving me. If I didn't have him, I don't know what I'd do.
I've been through a lot in my short 25 years. I was bullied, ridiculed, excluded, and made to feel like I was inferior to others.
When I was diagnosed as Autistic at age 3, I was immediately placed in special education, and that''s where my nightmare began.
I was also subject to ABA-like therapies. I was told not to hum, repeat phrases as part of my echolalia, or stim, among other things.
I tried really hard to fit in with my peers because I was ashamed of being autistic. I was ashamed of being who I was.
It really took a toll on me. I tried to commit suicide twice - once when I was 21 and again just a few months ago.
After my second suicide attempt, I had to be hospitalized. While I was there, I prayed, sang inspirational songs and read Joyce Meyer devotionals.
I started to grow stronger in my Christian faith, and not I realize that all the ableism I internalized over the years is the devil's lies to try and bring me down.
Today, my self-esteem is much higher than it was before, I'm grateful for the Lord for saving me. If I didn't have him, I don't know what I'd do.
Sunday, June 19, 2016
Parents, Please Stop Posting Details of your Child's Meltdowns on Social Media
content/trigger warning: meltdowns, ableism, invasion of privacy
Few things make me more angry than "Autism parents" posting details of their children's meltdowns on social media, whether it's posting a video on YouTube, or posting a detail of it on their blogs. It's wrong.
Why is it wrong? Well for one thing, it's an invasion of your child's privacy. Posting details of your child's meltdown is humiliating to them, and robs them of their dignity. You wouldn't want someone recording a video of your worst moment, now, would you? Well, don't do that to your child.
Plus, once something's posted on the Internet, it stays there forever. Even if you take it down, someone will find it and re-post it.
And another thing: your child's going to find the video or blog post you shared, and thy're going to feel ashamed, guilty and they're going to be very mad at you for it. Suppose you're trying to get your child into a certain school. If they see the video or blog post, the school may not want to accept the student. Or if your child was applying for a job: if a potential employer were to see the post, they might not want to hire the child. You may not realize it, but you're putting your child's future in jeopardy.
Bottom line: it's not right to post your child's most vulnerable moments on social media because it will hurt them in the long run.
Few things make me more angry than "Autism parents" posting details of their children's meltdowns on social media, whether it's posting a video on YouTube, or posting a detail of it on their blogs. It's wrong.
Why is it wrong? Well for one thing, it's an invasion of your child's privacy. Posting details of your child's meltdown is humiliating to them, and robs them of their dignity. You wouldn't want someone recording a video of your worst moment, now, would you? Well, don't do that to your child.
Plus, once something's posted on the Internet, it stays there forever. Even if you take it down, someone will find it and re-post it.
And another thing: your child's going to find the video or blog post you shared, and thy're going to feel ashamed, guilty and they're going to be very mad at you for it. Suppose you're trying to get your child into a certain school. If they see the video or blog post, the school may not want to accept the student. Or if your child was applying for a job: if a potential employer were to see the post, they might not want to hire the child. You may not realize it, but you're putting your child's future in jeopardy.
Bottom line: it's not right to post your child's most vulnerable moments on social media because it will hurt them in the long run.
Friday, June 17, 2016
Stimming 101
What is stimming?
Well, for Autistic people, stimming is a way to regulate our emotions. Some example of stimming include body-rocking, hand-flapping, jumping, and leg-bouncing, just to name a few.
Why do people stim?
Autistic people stim for a variety of reasons. Some, like I said, do it to calm or to regulate themselves. Others do it simply because they're happy or excited. Others do it because they're stressed out and need to chill.
Who else stims?
Many people with AD(H)D or Sensory Processing Disorder also stim.
If someone around me is stimming, how do I react?
Just let them do their thing. Do not tell them to stop rocking, flapping, jumping, etc. because you think it's inappropriate or embarrassing. Those could be potential triggers right there for an Autistic person because many of us have had our stims repressed - we've been through harmful therapies such as applied behavioral analysis, where we've been taught not to stim.
Do Autistic people use objects to stim?
Absolutely! We use things like stim toys or fidgets to play with. Others may chew gum (I highly recommend Hubba Bubba Max - it blows great bubbles!) Stimtastic has a plethora of stim toys, fidgets and chewable jewelry for all you stimming needs - and it's run by an Autistic person, and 10% of their proceeds go back to the Autistic community!
Welp, that's about it. Thanks for reading. Toodles!
Well, for Autistic people, stimming is a way to regulate our emotions. Some example of stimming include body-rocking, hand-flapping, jumping, and leg-bouncing, just to name a few.
Why do people stim?
Autistic people stim for a variety of reasons. Some, like I said, do it to calm or to regulate themselves. Others do it simply because they're happy or excited. Others do it because they're stressed out and need to chill.
Who else stims?
Many people with AD(H)D or Sensory Processing Disorder also stim.
If someone around me is stimming, how do I react?
Just let them do their thing. Do not tell them to stop rocking, flapping, jumping, etc. because you think it's inappropriate or embarrassing. Those could be potential triggers right there for an Autistic person because many of us have had our stims repressed - we've been through harmful therapies such as applied behavioral analysis, where we've been taught not to stim.
Do Autistic people use objects to stim?
Absolutely! We use things like stim toys or fidgets to play with. Others may chew gum (I highly recommend Hubba Bubba Max - it blows great bubbles!) Stimtastic has a plethora of stim toys, fidgets and chewable jewelry for all you stimming needs - and it's run by an Autistic person, and 10% of their proceeds go back to the Autistic community!
Welp, that's about it. Thanks for reading. Toodles!
Thursday, June 16, 2016
So, What's Wrong with Autism Speaks?
Autism Speaks is probably the most notorious and the most prominent Autism "charity". It has a lot of celebrity endorsements, but does that make them a good organization to support? Not necessarily.
For one thing, Autism Speaks uses fearful, hateful and dehumanizing rhetoric to try and get people to donate to their organization. They've compared being diagnosed with Autism to being struck by lightning, being diagnosed with cancer and AIDS among other things. They believe that a person is better off dead than being Autistic. Perhaps their most infamous PSA is I Am Autism in which they say that Autism breaks up marriages, causes embarrassment and shame to families and prevents your child from making friends - all of which is most certainly not true.
Plus, Autism Speaks has very little actual Autistic representation in their leadership positions. Only 2 out of 31 people on their Board of Directors are Autistic, while 12 of those 31 members are from major corporations, such as Viacom, CBS, SIRIUS Satellite Radio, etc. If you're going to have an Autism organization, the vast majority of your board members have to be Autistic. It's as simple as that - and they have to be from more diverse backgrounds, with different races, genders, sexualities, etc.
Only about 4% of Autism Speaks' funds goes to their "Family Service" grants, which is designed to help Autistic people and their families. In 2014, Autism Speaks' budget comprised of 35% of research funds (and most of that research was for prevention and cures for Autism, not actually helping Autistic people.), while 33% of that money went to media, "awareness" campaigns and lobbying, 23% of those funds came from fundraising, 5% went to management, while an abysmal 4% went to "Family Services".
If you really want to support Autistic people, here are some better alternatives:
Autistic Self Advocacy Network - run entirely by and for Autistics, ASAN does advocacy and policy work to ensure that Autistic people can life their life to the fullest.
Autism Women's Network - aims to help Autistic women and girls. It is trans and nonbinary-inclusive, too.
Self Advocates Becoming Empowered (SABE) - empowers self-advocates with disabilities, as the website implies.
And if there's any other helpful organizations/charities I missed, let me know in the comments.
Sources:
Boycott Autism Speaks
Before You Donate to Autism Speaks, Consider the Facts (PDF)
Nothing About Us Without Us!
For one thing, Autism Speaks uses fearful, hateful and dehumanizing rhetoric to try and get people to donate to their organization. They've compared being diagnosed with Autism to being struck by lightning, being diagnosed with cancer and AIDS among other things. They believe that a person is better off dead than being Autistic. Perhaps their most infamous PSA is I Am Autism in which they say that Autism breaks up marriages, causes embarrassment and shame to families and prevents your child from making friends - all of which is most certainly not true.
Plus, Autism Speaks has very little actual Autistic representation in their leadership positions. Only 2 out of 31 people on their Board of Directors are Autistic, while 12 of those 31 members are from major corporations, such as Viacom, CBS, SIRIUS Satellite Radio, etc. If you're going to have an Autism organization, the vast majority of your board members have to be Autistic. It's as simple as that - and they have to be from more diverse backgrounds, with different races, genders, sexualities, etc.
Only about 4% of Autism Speaks' funds goes to their "Family Service" grants, which is designed to help Autistic people and their families. In 2014, Autism Speaks' budget comprised of 35% of research funds (and most of that research was for prevention and cures for Autism, not actually helping Autistic people.), while 33% of that money went to media, "awareness" campaigns and lobbying, 23% of those funds came from fundraising, 5% went to management, while an abysmal 4% went to "Family Services".
If you really want to support Autistic people, here are some better alternatives:
Autistic Self Advocacy Network - run entirely by and for Autistics, ASAN does advocacy and policy work to ensure that Autistic people can life their life to the fullest.
Autism Women's Network - aims to help Autistic women and girls. It is trans and nonbinary-inclusive, too.
Self Advocates Becoming Empowered (SABE) - empowers self-advocates with disabilities, as the website implies.
And if there's any other helpful organizations/charities I missed, let me know in the comments.
Sources:
Boycott Autism Speaks
Before You Donate to Autism Speaks, Consider the Facts (PDF)
Nothing About Us Without Us!
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
The World Isn't Made For People Like Me
content/trigger warning: survivor's guilt, suicidal ideation/attempts, a long rant, transphobia, ableism, anti-LGBTQ bigotry, racism, mention of low self-esteem, mention of early intervention/ABA
I'm a queer, trans, neurodivergent person of color. Let that run past your account where you have four odds stacked against you, being marginalized for all these things.
I've struggled with depression and low self-esteem most of my life. I never felt like I was good enough because of my race, because of my neurodivergence, and because of me being queer and trans.
I've also battled with suicidal thoughts and even attempted it twice. I was just so overwhelmed with everything that I couldn't take it anymore.
Let's start with the race thing. When I was little, I wanted the White Barbie dolls instead of the Black ones. They just seemed prettier to me. Plus, I was jealous that White people had this long, beautiful straight hair, and here I was with this curly, nappy cotton-ball hair. So in middle school, I opted to get my hair pressed when I went to the hairdresser. Also, in middle school, I had trouble finding cosmetics that would compliment my brown complexion, Especially blushes. Most of them were either too light or didn't show up at all on my skin. The whole thing was just frustrating.
And about being Autistic and mentally ill, it's hard. There are so many people who don't understand me, or my neurology. When I was younger, I was subject to early intervention shortly after my Autism diagnosis, which involved the grueling applied behavioral analysis, aka ABA. All it really did for me was give me shitty PTSD, and it led me to believe that I had to be like everyone else to be considered worthy. So from at an early age, I tried to fit in with everyone else, but it just made me depressed in the end. My depression got so bad that I thought about suicide many times and attempted it twice, as I said earlier.
And being LGBTQ, yeah, that has its challenges too. I knew I was queer since I was 12 years old, but I didn't realize I was transgender until I got to my twenties. I felt a lot of shame for being queer and trans because other people thought that it was a sin, so I thought I was going to hell for liking other women and being trans. I spent years trying convince myself that I was a cis girl. I tried my best adapting to she/her pronouns, but it just didn't feel right. Plus, I thought about buying a Playgirl magazine to try and curb my desires for other women, and increase my desires for men, but what stopped me is the fact that I hate looking at naked men.
All these things led be to believe that the world wasn't made for me, and that I don't belong in this world. But that's not true - those are all lies that the devil tries to instill in us. I'm a Christian, and I believe that there are good spirits, and that there are evil spirits.
These days, I embrace who I am, by wearing Afrocentric styles such as locs. I am a proud queer and trans person - I go to LGBTQ events and socialize with LGBTQ people. And I'm involved in Autism activism - I'm the chapter leader of Autistic Self Advocacy Network's DC chapter.
I think we all should embrace our differences. They're what make us unique.
Thanks for reading. Bye!
I'm a queer, trans, neurodivergent person of color. Let that run past your account where you have four odds stacked against you, being marginalized for all these things.
I've struggled with depression and low self-esteem most of my life. I never felt like I was good enough because of my race, because of my neurodivergence, and because of me being queer and trans.
I've also battled with suicidal thoughts and even attempted it twice. I was just so overwhelmed with everything that I couldn't take it anymore.
Let's start with the race thing. When I was little, I wanted the White Barbie dolls instead of the Black ones. They just seemed prettier to me. Plus, I was jealous that White people had this long, beautiful straight hair, and here I was with this curly, nappy cotton-ball hair. So in middle school, I opted to get my hair pressed when I went to the hairdresser. Also, in middle school, I had trouble finding cosmetics that would compliment my brown complexion, Especially blushes. Most of them were either too light or didn't show up at all on my skin. The whole thing was just frustrating.
And about being Autistic and mentally ill, it's hard. There are so many people who don't understand me, or my neurology. When I was younger, I was subject to early intervention shortly after my Autism diagnosis, which involved the grueling applied behavioral analysis, aka ABA. All it really did for me was give me shitty PTSD, and it led me to believe that I had to be like everyone else to be considered worthy. So from at an early age, I tried to fit in with everyone else, but it just made me depressed in the end. My depression got so bad that I thought about suicide many times and attempted it twice, as I said earlier.
And being LGBTQ, yeah, that has its challenges too. I knew I was queer since I was 12 years old, but I didn't realize I was transgender until I got to my twenties. I felt a lot of shame for being queer and trans because other people thought that it was a sin, so I thought I was going to hell for liking other women and being trans. I spent years trying convince myself that I was a cis girl. I tried my best adapting to she/her pronouns, but it just didn't feel right. Plus, I thought about buying a Playgirl magazine to try and curb my desires for other women, and increase my desires for men, but what stopped me is the fact that I hate looking at naked men.
All these things led be to believe that the world wasn't made for me, and that I don't belong in this world. But that's not true - those are all lies that the devil tries to instill in us. I'm a Christian, and I believe that there are good spirits, and that there are evil spirits.
These days, I embrace who I am, by wearing Afrocentric styles such as locs. I am a proud queer and trans person - I go to LGBTQ events and socialize with LGBTQ people. And I'm involved in Autism activism - I'm the chapter leader of Autistic Self Advocacy Network's DC chapter.
I think we all should embrace our differences. They're what make us unique.
Thanks for reading. Bye!
Monday, June 13, 2016
My Thoughts on the Shooting at Pulse Nightclub in Orlando
content/trigger warning: gun violence, anti-LGBTQ bigotry, Islamophobia
Early this morning, a shooting took place at Pulse nightclub, a gay club in Orlando, Florida. fifty people were killed and fifty-three others were wounded in the shooting. The shooter pledged to ISIS before the shooting. Apparently, he had something against LGBTQ people - he was disgusted after seeing a same-sex couple kissing.
My heart aches right now. It seems as if the anti-LGBTQ sentiment is only growing stronger - numerous anti-LGBTQ bills have been introduced into legislation - many have already passed. Violence against LGBTQ people - especially transgender women of color - is on the rise. and many faiths are speaking out against the queer community. We need to stand strong and let them know that we're not going to tolerate this.
The Bible says, "Love your neighbor as yourself." But that's not what we're doing. There's too much hate in the world. We need more love.
Love. That's the whole story.
If only Jesus came back to comfort us. Then everything would be all better.
Keep in mind that the religion of Islam is not to blame for this horrendous act of violence. There are good and bad people of all kinds of faiths. So it's unfair to single out just one religion for their actions.
That's all I have to say for now. Stay strong, stay in prayer and keep your head up.
Goodbye!
Early this morning, a shooting took place at Pulse nightclub, a gay club in Orlando, Florida. fifty people were killed and fifty-three others were wounded in the shooting. The shooter pledged to ISIS before the shooting. Apparently, he had something against LGBTQ people - he was disgusted after seeing a same-sex couple kissing.
My heart aches right now. It seems as if the anti-LGBTQ sentiment is only growing stronger - numerous anti-LGBTQ bills have been introduced into legislation - many have already passed. Violence against LGBTQ people - especially transgender women of color - is on the rise. and many faiths are speaking out against the queer community. We need to stand strong and let them know that we're not going to tolerate this.
The Bible says, "Love your neighbor as yourself." But that's not what we're doing. There's too much hate in the world. We need more love.
Love. That's the whole story.
If only Jesus came back to comfort us. Then everything would be all better.
Keep in mind that the religion of Islam is not to blame for this horrendous act of violence. There are good and bad people of all kinds of faiths. So it's unfair to single out just one religion for their actions.
That's all I have to say for now. Stay strong, stay in prayer and keep your head up.
Goodbye!
Monday, June 6, 2016
Why Proper Trans Health Care Is Crucial
content/trigger warning: transphobia/discrimination, police brutality
I'm an agender person. That means I don't identify with any gender. Shouldn't be a big deal, right? Well, to many people, it is.
My therapist doesn't believe there's such a thing as agender - she believes that there are only two genders: male and female. She also said that I have "sexual identity disorder". It made me feel invalidated, like my gender wasn't real.
Unfortunately, my situation's not unique. Many trans and gender nonconforming people have had to jump through hoops to get the proper health care they need. Just check out the Twitter hashtag #TransHealthFail. You'll see what I'm talking about.
It's crucial for transgender people to get the health care they need because it's vital for their well-being.
Kayden Clarke was an Autistic trans man who had a service dog and was often seen with him on his videos. Kayden wanted to start hormone replacement therapy - testosterone - but his therapist told him he couldn't start HRT until his Autism was "fixed".
That statement sent Kayden into an emotional tailspin. In one of his Youtube videos, he talked about how Arizona, his home state, had one of the worst mental health systems in the country.
One day Kayden was having a crisis, so a relative called the police to check on him. The police say that Kayden brandished them with a knife, so they shot him and killed him.
While covering the story of Kayden's death, various media outlets misgendered and deadnamed him. This is bad because the rest of the country will know who he really was - a young man with a big heart.
To prevent other tragedies like Kayden's, we have to make sure trans and gender variant people are getting the proper healthcare. It is critical to our safety and well-being.
I'm an agender person. That means I don't identify with any gender. Shouldn't be a big deal, right? Well, to many people, it is.
My therapist doesn't believe there's such a thing as agender - she believes that there are only two genders: male and female. She also said that I have "sexual identity disorder". It made me feel invalidated, like my gender wasn't real.
Unfortunately, my situation's not unique. Many trans and gender nonconforming people have had to jump through hoops to get the proper health care they need. Just check out the Twitter hashtag #TransHealthFail. You'll see what I'm talking about.
It's crucial for transgender people to get the health care they need because it's vital for their well-being.
Kayden Clarke was an Autistic trans man who had a service dog and was often seen with him on his videos. Kayden wanted to start hormone replacement therapy - testosterone - but his therapist told him he couldn't start HRT until his Autism was "fixed".
That statement sent Kayden into an emotional tailspin. In one of his Youtube videos, he talked about how Arizona, his home state, had one of the worst mental health systems in the country.
One day Kayden was having a crisis, so a relative called the police to check on him. The police say that Kayden brandished them with a knife, so they shot him and killed him.
While covering the story of Kayden's death, various media outlets misgendered and deadnamed him. This is bad because the rest of the country will know who he really was - a young man with a big heart.
To prevent other tragedies like Kayden's, we have to make sure trans and gender variant people are getting the proper healthcare. It is critical to our safety and well-being.
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
10 Things Not to Say to a Genderqueer/Nonbinary Person
content/trigger warning: really disparaging remarks and other things that shouldn't be said.
If you're nonbinary or genderqueer, chances are you've heard binary people say some shitty things to you about your gender. Here are some common remarks that nonbinary people often hear:
1. "Your gender isn't real/your gender is bullshit."
How would you feel if I told you that your gender wasn't real or was bullshit? Pretty lousy, right? Well, when you tell a nonbinary person that their gender isn't real, it invalidates their feelings and their experiences. I don't knock you for your gender, so don't knock me for mine.
2. "What bathroom do you use?"
That's a very personal question. Some of us feel comfortable using gendered restrooms, others feel more comfortable using gender-neutral restrooms, especially if we don't "pass" as any gender. Bottom line: don't ask us this question because it's very rude.
3. "What's in your pants?"
Magic! Just kidding! But seriously, it's just plain rude to ask a person what genitals they have because they're private parts. You don't need to know what my nether regions are, OK?
4. "When are you gonna really transition?"
Not all nonbinary people take hormones or undergo surgery to transition. Some people are happy without those things. Some people don't even change their name or pronouns, and that's OK. Trans people should be allowed to transition in any way they please.
5. "But the Bible says..."
Yes, God created male and female people, ("So God created in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." - Genesis 1:27 NIV), but He also created intersex and nonbinary individuals as well. And besides, when God sent His son Jesus Christ to die for our sins, we have all been redeemed. ("There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male or female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." Galatians 3:28, NIV). OK, I'm a Christian, so naturally I'm gonna quote Scripture, but the Bible does not condemn trans individuals. Plain and simple.
6. "You can like this/wear that and still be a boy/girl."
Gender expression is different from gender identity. Gender expression is how one expresses their idea of being a boy, girl or nonbinary. Gender identity is how a person feels about their gender. If a person tells you that they're a particular gender, then they are that gender. Please don't dismiss that person's feelings.
7. "Why can't you just be gay?"
Being gay (or bi) and being trans are two totally different things. Sexuality is who you want to go to bed with. Gender identity is who you want to go to bed as. Some trans people are gay, bi or asexual. Others aren't. Make sense?
8. "It's just a phase."
Argh...just ARGH! Being genderqueer or nonbinary is not a phase, for Pete's sake! It's simply how some people are. Is being cis "just a phase"? Of course not! So don't tell me my gender is just a phase, we clear?
9. "Just pick one, already!"
I can't choose either boy or girl because I don't identify as either one. I'm agender - please respect that.
10. "'They' isn't a pronoun."
Um, yes, it is. Just because you don't think they/them/their is a valid pronoun doesn't mean it is invalid. My pronouns are they/them/their. Please respect them.
If you're nonbinary or genderqueer, chances are you've heard binary people say some shitty things to you about your gender. Here are some common remarks that nonbinary people often hear:
1. "Your gender isn't real/your gender is bullshit."
How would you feel if I told you that your gender wasn't real or was bullshit? Pretty lousy, right? Well, when you tell a nonbinary person that their gender isn't real, it invalidates their feelings and their experiences. I don't knock you for your gender, so don't knock me for mine.
2. "What bathroom do you use?"
That's a very personal question. Some of us feel comfortable using gendered restrooms, others feel more comfortable using gender-neutral restrooms, especially if we don't "pass" as any gender. Bottom line: don't ask us this question because it's very rude.
3. "What's in your pants?"
Magic! Just kidding! But seriously, it's just plain rude to ask a person what genitals they have because they're private parts. You don't need to know what my nether regions are, OK?
4. "When are you gonna really transition?"
Not all nonbinary people take hormones or undergo surgery to transition. Some people are happy without those things. Some people don't even change their name or pronouns, and that's OK. Trans people should be allowed to transition in any way they please.
5. "But the Bible says..."
Yes, God created male and female people, ("So God created in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." - Genesis 1:27 NIV), but He also created intersex and nonbinary individuals as well. And besides, when God sent His son Jesus Christ to die for our sins, we have all been redeemed. ("There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male or female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." Galatians 3:28, NIV). OK, I'm a Christian, so naturally I'm gonna quote Scripture, but the Bible does not condemn trans individuals. Plain and simple.
6. "You can like this/wear that and still be a boy/girl."
Gender expression is different from gender identity. Gender expression is how one expresses their idea of being a boy, girl or nonbinary. Gender identity is how a person feels about their gender. If a person tells you that they're a particular gender, then they are that gender. Please don't dismiss that person's feelings.
7. "Why can't you just be gay?"
Being gay (or bi) and being trans are two totally different things. Sexuality is who you want to go to bed with. Gender identity is who you want to go to bed as. Some trans people are gay, bi or asexual. Others aren't. Make sense?
8. "It's just a phase."
Argh...just ARGH! Being genderqueer or nonbinary is not a phase, for Pete's sake! It's simply how some people are. Is being cis "just a phase"? Of course not! So don't tell me my gender is just a phase, we clear?
9. "Just pick one, already!"
I can't choose either boy or girl because I don't identify as either one. I'm agender - please respect that.
10. "'They' isn't a pronoun."
Um, yes, it is. Just because you don't think they/them/their is a valid pronoun doesn't mean it is invalid. My pronouns are they/them/their. Please respect them.
Saturday, May 28, 2016
I'm Not a Man or a Woman
I'm gonna cut to the chase: I'm not a man or a woman - I'm agender. Here's my story:
I always felt anxiety whenever someone called me a girl or used she/her pronouns to describe me. It just didn't feel right. But at the same time, I didn't want to be called a boy or have people use he/him/his pronouns to describe me either. I didn't know there were people who used they/them/their pronouns, so I just stuck with she/her for all these years.
I played with both Legos and Barbies as a kid, but I was especially drawn to the Barbies because of their long hair and cool fashions. There was this one time my mom bought a football, but it was for my cousin, who's a guy. I was pretty upset about it. I wanted to play with the football too.
Clothes weren't really a big deal for me until forth grade, except for the fact that I NEVER liked to wear dresses or skirts. My mom and my aunt would always say things like, "Oh, you look so cute!", but I was always like, "No, no, NO!". Dresses were just never really comfortable for me - and I don't owe anyone an explanation for that.
About fourth grade, like I said, I didn't feel pressure to be "trendy" until around that time. This girl said that my clothes were babyish, and that people were going to laugh at me. At the time, I was wearing patterned shirts, such as those with checker prints and stripes, leggings and sweaters with cat screenprints. I was already feeling like a freak, and I didn't want people to laugh at me, so shortly after the girl said that, I asked my mom to take me to JCPenney to buy me some "cooler" clothes.
When I got to high school, I wanted to wear name brand clothes like Aeropostale and Hollister, but I was such a large person, I couldn't fit into those clothes. I was crushed.
I tried so hard to fit in and be a "typical" girl that I fell into a deep depression that seemed to last forever. Honestly, what delivered me from that depression was the love and grace of my Savior Jesus Christ. Without Him, I would probably be a mess today.
I also met people who identified as nonbinary and transgender, which helped me figure out who I am. I'm agender, and my pronouns are they/them./their.
That's all for now. Have a blessed day!
I always felt anxiety whenever someone called me a girl or used she/her pronouns to describe me. It just didn't feel right. But at the same time, I didn't want to be called a boy or have people use he/him/his pronouns to describe me either. I didn't know there were people who used they/them/their pronouns, so I just stuck with she/her for all these years.
I played with both Legos and Barbies as a kid, but I was especially drawn to the Barbies because of their long hair and cool fashions. There was this one time my mom bought a football, but it was for my cousin, who's a guy. I was pretty upset about it. I wanted to play with the football too.
Clothes weren't really a big deal for me until forth grade, except for the fact that I NEVER liked to wear dresses or skirts. My mom and my aunt would always say things like, "Oh, you look so cute!", but I was always like, "No, no, NO!". Dresses were just never really comfortable for me - and I don't owe anyone an explanation for that.
About fourth grade, like I said, I didn't feel pressure to be "trendy" until around that time. This girl said that my clothes were babyish, and that people were going to laugh at me. At the time, I was wearing patterned shirts, such as those with checker prints and stripes, leggings and sweaters with cat screenprints. I was already feeling like a freak, and I didn't want people to laugh at me, so shortly after the girl said that, I asked my mom to take me to JCPenney to buy me some "cooler" clothes.
When I got to high school, I wanted to wear name brand clothes like Aeropostale and Hollister, but I was such a large person, I couldn't fit into those clothes. I was crushed.
I tried so hard to fit in and be a "typical" girl that I fell into a deep depression that seemed to last forever. Honestly, what delivered me from that depression was the love and grace of my Savior Jesus Christ. Without Him, I would probably be a mess today.
I also met people who identified as nonbinary and transgender, which helped me figure out who I am. I'm agender, and my pronouns are they/them./their.
That's all for now. Have a blessed day!
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
Being Asexual in a Hypersexualized World
content: lengthy discussion of sex
Let's face it, we live in a world that's obsessed with sex. We hear about it all the time, in books, movies, TV, etc. We hear jokes about sex and we hear sexual innuendo.
But being a homoromantic asexual, I don't find it to be appealing at all. I mean, what's the big deal about sex? It may feel good to some, but if you experience little or no sexual attraction, you don't really get the humor, so you might feel like you're out of the loop (at least, that's how I feel.)
When I was a teenager and when I was in my early 20s, it seemed like all that people around me were talking about was sex. I tried to join in their conversations and laugh at their jokes, but to be honest, it always made me uncomfortable. I've never liked the idea of being sexually intimate with anyone.
This doesn't mean that I don't want to be loved, however. I'm romantically attracted to women, not sexually. I find them aesthetically and romantically attractive, but I don't want t have sex with them. Sexual, romantic and aesthetic attraction are all different.
I want to meet other women, but I'm kind of leery of bars and other places like that because those are usually hookup spots, and I don't want to have sex with anyone.
Maybe it's also because I'm Autistic and was raised in a very Christian household, but I cherish the idea of romance without the sex. I also understand that there also asexual and aromantic people, meaning that they're not sexually or romantically attracted to anyone, which is fine too.
It's tough being asexual in a hypersexualized world, but I know that God will find the right person for me. I just have to have faith and persevere.
Okay, rambling over. Later gators!
Let's face it, we live in a world that's obsessed with sex. We hear about it all the time, in books, movies, TV, etc. We hear jokes about sex and we hear sexual innuendo.
But being a homoromantic asexual, I don't find it to be appealing at all. I mean, what's the big deal about sex? It may feel good to some, but if you experience little or no sexual attraction, you don't really get the humor, so you might feel like you're out of the loop (at least, that's how I feel.)
When I was a teenager and when I was in my early 20s, it seemed like all that people around me were talking about was sex. I tried to join in their conversations and laugh at their jokes, but to be honest, it always made me uncomfortable. I've never liked the idea of being sexually intimate with anyone.
This doesn't mean that I don't want to be loved, however. I'm romantically attracted to women, not sexually. I find them aesthetically and romantically attractive, but I don't want t have sex with them. Sexual, romantic and aesthetic attraction are all different.
I want to meet other women, but I'm kind of leery of bars and other places like that because those are usually hookup spots, and I don't want to have sex with anyone.
Maybe it's also because I'm Autistic and was raised in a very Christian household, but I cherish the idea of romance without the sex. I also understand that there also asexual and aromantic people, meaning that they're not sexually or romantically attracted to anyone, which is fine too.
It's tough being asexual in a hypersexualized world, but I know that God will find the right person for me. I just have to have faith and persevere.
Okay, rambling over. Later gators!
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
An Open Letter to the Governors of North Carolina and Mississippi
To Governors Pat McCrory and Phil Bryant,
My name is Kristy Young, and I am a Black, Autistic lesbian from Maryland. I am writing this letter because I want to tell you how I feel about the "religious freedom" laws you have passed in your states.
First of all, Gov. Phil Bryant, denying an LGBTQ person service based on your religious beliefs is wrong because not everyone has the same beliefs and views, so if you refuse service to a person because of this, you are basically saying that your views are right and the other person's views are wrong and therefore that person should not be given the same liberties and rights as you should, which is unfair.
Also, Gov. Bryant, this country was founded on the basis of religious freedom, but you are taking it too far. Religious freedom means being able to worship, or to not worship, in any way you want to. It does not mean that you get to deny service to a person because of your beliefs.
People have used the "religious freedom" excuse to deny rights to women, Black people, disabled people and other marginalized groups, but they are wrong because the Bible says to treat others the way you would want to be treated, to help the poor and the widowed and to love your neighbor as yourself.
Gov. Pat McCrory, transgender people already face enough difficulties from society. Please do not add any more. By signing HB2 into law, you have only made life more difficult for them by restricting their right to use the bathroom they feel most comfortable using. What is a person supposed to do if they need to use the restroom? Hold it until they get home? That would be unhealthy and would strip the person of their dignity. Transgender women are real women, and transgender men are real men, and there are people who identify as neither gender or both genders as well, so this law would really affect these people too.
Also, Gov. McCrory, banning protections for LGBTQ people is not right because as a whole, LGBTQ people already face a lot of prejudice and bigotry from other people, so we need protections to ensure that we are given the same freedoms and rights as straight, cisgender people.
Furthermore, being lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning is not a disorder, a choice or a sin. It is simply how some people are. Nobody knows why some people are LGBTQ, but nevertheless, it is wrong to discriminate against somebody because they are different from you.
I hope you take all this into consideration and repeal these laws.
Sincerely,
Kristy Young
My name is Kristy Young, and I am a Black, Autistic lesbian from Maryland. I am writing this letter because I want to tell you how I feel about the "religious freedom" laws you have passed in your states.
First of all, Gov. Phil Bryant, denying an LGBTQ person service based on your religious beliefs is wrong because not everyone has the same beliefs and views, so if you refuse service to a person because of this, you are basically saying that your views are right and the other person's views are wrong and therefore that person should not be given the same liberties and rights as you should, which is unfair.
Also, Gov. Bryant, this country was founded on the basis of religious freedom, but you are taking it too far. Religious freedom means being able to worship, or to not worship, in any way you want to. It does not mean that you get to deny service to a person because of your beliefs.
People have used the "religious freedom" excuse to deny rights to women, Black people, disabled people and other marginalized groups, but they are wrong because the Bible says to treat others the way you would want to be treated, to help the poor and the widowed and to love your neighbor as yourself.
Gov. Pat McCrory, transgender people already face enough difficulties from society. Please do not add any more. By signing HB2 into law, you have only made life more difficult for them by restricting their right to use the bathroom they feel most comfortable using. What is a person supposed to do if they need to use the restroom? Hold it until they get home? That would be unhealthy and would strip the person of their dignity. Transgender women are real women, and transgender men are real men, and there are people who identify as neither gender or both genders as well, so this law would really affect these people too.
Also, Gov. McCrory, banning protections for LGBTQ people is not right because as a whole, LGBTQ people already face a lot of prejudice and bigotry from other people, so we need protections to ensure that we are given the same freedoms and rights as straight, cisgender people.
Furthermore, being lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning is not a disorder, a choice or a sin. It is simply how some people are. Nobody knows why some people are LGBTQ, but nevertheless, it is wrong to discriminate against somebody because they are different from you.
I hope you take all this into consideration and repeal these laws.
Sincerely,
Kristy Young
Friday, April 1, 2016
Autism Acceptance Month
content warning: Autism Speaks, early intervention, ABA, some swearing
Today is April 1st, which means it's the beginning of Autism Acceptance month, but to many it's known as Autism Awareness month. I'd like to change that. Here's why:
Most of the "awareness" that is spread around is dehumanizing, pity-inducing, hateful rhetoric that Autism Speaks and other pro-cure organizations perpetuate. They see us as tragedies, broken, missing and lesser than neurotypical people. The reason why they portray us like this is because they want to make profits from other people. They don't really care about autistics.
Acceptance, on the other hand, means seeing others as equals, and embracing their autistic traits. This means allowing an autistic person to stim (that is, allowing them to jump, rock heir bodies, flap their hands or anything else that comes naturally to them.), not forcing them to make eye contact (it's very hard for many autistics to make eye contact with others when tallking to them because we have to process auditory and visual stimuli at the same time, which is difficult), and actually listening to an autistic person when they're trying to communicate with you.
When a child is diagnosed with autism at a young age, one of the first things doctors suggests is early intervention. Early intervention often involves "therapies" designed to make autistics indistinguishable from their neurotypical peers. These "therapies" are known as applied behavioral analysis, or ABA, and they're very harmful because they not only use exhausting and stressful tactics (such as forcing a child to make eye contact, or they won't get to play with their favorite toy), but they teach the child that their God-given neurology is "bad", and the child begins to feel that way, and as a result, may develop low-self esteem, anxiety and even PTSD from all the stress.
I am speaking this from experience. I was diagnosed with autism at 3 years old and I was placed in early intervention. I was placed in special education all my life, from preschool all the way through 12th grade, and I've had some shitty things done to me there. I developed low self-esteem, and PTSD as a result, but God helped me get through it, and now I'm speaking out so people will be more accepting of autistics.
If you truly want to support autistics, wear red to show your support. Don't light it up blue! Blue is the color of Autism Speaks, which supports early intervention and ABA.
Support organizations that truly have autistics' best interests at heart, like the Autistic Self Advocacy Network. They are run by and for autistics, so you know that they are good advocates for the autistic community.
Also, the Autism Women's Network is a good choice because they are majority autistic-led as well, and they help autistic women and girls.
Nothing About Us Without Us!
Today is April 1st, which means it's the beginning of Autism Acceptance month, but to many it's known as Autism Awareness month. I'd like to change that. Here's why:
Most of the "awareness" that is spread around is dehumanizing, pity-inducing, hateful rhetoric that Autism Speaks and other pro-cure organizations perpetuate. They see us as tragedies, broken, missing and lesser than neurotypical people. The reason why they portray us like this is because they want to make profits from other people. They don't really care about autistics.
Acceptance, on the other hand, means seeing others as equals, and embracing their autistic traits. This means allowing an autistic person to stim (that is, allowing them to jump, rock heir bodies, flap their hands or anything else that comes naturally to them.), not forcing them to make eye contact (it's very hard for many autistics to make eye contact with others when tallking to them because we have to process auditory and visual stimuli at the same time, which is difficult), and actually listening to an autistic person when they're trying to communicate with you.
When a child is diagnosed with autism at a young age, one of the first things doctors suggests is early intervention. Early intervention often involves "therapies" designed to make autistics indistinguishable from their neurotypical peers. These "therapies" are known as applied behavioral analysis, or ABA, and they're very harmful because they not only use exhausting and stressful tactics (such as forcing a child to make eye contact, or they won't get to play with their favorite toy), but they teach the child that their God-given neurology is "bad", and the child begins to feel that way, and as a result, may develop low-self esteem, anxiety and even PTSD from all the stress.
I am speaking this from experience. I was diagnosed with autism at 3 years old and I was placed in early intervention. I was placed in special education all my life, from preschool all the way through 12th grade, and I've had some shitty things done to me there. I developed low self-esteem, and PTSD as a result, but God helped me get through it, and now I'm speaking out so people will be more accepting of autistics.
If you truly want to support autistics, wear red to show your support. Don't light it up blue! Blue is the color of Autism Speaks, which supports early intervention and ABA.
Support organizations that truly have autistics' best interests at heart, like the Autistic Self Advocacy Network. They are run by and for autistics, so you know that they are good advocates for the autistic community.
Also, the Autism Women's Network is a good choice because they are majority autistic-led as well, and they help autistic women and girls.
Nothing About Us Without Us!
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
About This Blog
My name's Kristy and I'm an autistic stemme, that is "stud" and "femme" combined. These are terms often used in the lesbian community. A stud is a conventionally masculine lesbian, usually Black or Latina. A femme is a conventionally feminine lesbian of any race. I've got a little bit of both traits, so I coined the two terms together, and got "stemme".
After years of trying to fit in with society and even more years of discovering myself trying to figure out who I am, I've come to the conclusion that I'm a stemme lesbian. I like sports such as football and basketball, but I also like makeup and jewelry. I also don't like to wear dressses and skirts unless I'm wearing leggings.
I'm autistic, which basically means that my brain is wired differently than a neurotypical (non-autistic) person. I'm more sensitive to certain tastes, sounds and my environment than a neurotypical would be. Plus, I tend to get fixiated on certain subjects, like Korean culture for example.
I'm also a huge nerd. I study world cultures. I'm a huge Nintendo video game fan. I love the cartoon Steven Universe, and I love science. I'm a fan of TV quiz shows too.
I'm also a Christian. A lot of people think you can't be both gay and Christian, but I disagree. I believe God loves each and every one of us, gay or straight, Black or White, young or old, etc.
I'm also a huge advocate for equal rights, especially women's, LGBTQ, disability and racial equality. I believe that all people should be treated equally and given the same opportunities.
Well, that's all I have to say for now. Have a blessed one!
After years of trying to fit in with society and even more years of discovering myself trying to figure out who I am, I've come to the conclusion that I'm a stemme lesbian. I like sports such as football and basketball, but I also like makeup and jewelry. I also don't like to wear dressses and skirts unless I'm wearing leggings.
I'm autistic, which basically means that my brain is wired differently than a neurotypical (non-autistic) person. I'm more sensitive to certain tastes, sounds and my environment than a neurotypical would be. Plus, I tend to get fixiated on certain subjects, like Korean culture for example.
I'm also a huge nerd. I study world cultures. I'm a huge Nintendo video game fan. I love the cartoon Steven Universe, and I love science. I'm a fan of TV quiz shows too.
I'm also a Christian. A lot of people think you can't be both gay and Christian, but I disagree. I believe God loves each and every one of us, gay or straight, Black or White, young or old, etc.
I'm also a huge advocate for equal rights, especially women's, LGBTQ, disability and racial equality. I believe that all people should be treated equally and given the same opportunities.
Well, that's all I have to say for now. Have a blessed one!
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