content/trigger warning: lengthy discussion of religion and spirituality, brief mention of a suicide attempt
I'm a spiritual person, but I wasn't always that way. Here's what changed me:
My mother's a very spiritual woman. She raised me to be Christian and has always talked to me about God and related subjects. (She even put "I Love Jesus" barrettes in my hair.) My mom bought me two children's Bibles - a small one when I was really little, and a bigger one when I was a little older - but I didn't read them much. I guess I had so much going on at the time I didn't even bother to read them very often.
My mom and I didn't go to church because she worked on Sundays, but she talked about Heaven and hell and how Jesus loves all the little children and things like that.
I think my mother got her spiritual guidance from my grandmother. Now she and her family were always going to church - if you were in that household, you went to church! My mother didn't go to church growing up, but my grandmother, who is her mother, taught her about God.
I've just started a close relationship with God myself. When I was going through a lot of stuff, I thought God didn't love me. I thought He didn't love me because I was queer and trans. I thought I was going through all that stuff because I was LGBTQ, and this was my punishment for it. Now I realize that God loves me just as I am, and He has never left my side.
A couple of months ago, I attempted suicide. I was just so overwhelmed with everything that I couldn't take it anymore. Well, I had to go to the psych ward of the hospital for a week. While I was there, I prayed, read Joyce Meyer affirmations and sang spiritual songs to keep myself occupied.
When I got out of the hospital, I felt this strange feeling of joy. Not just because I was out of the hospital, but because I realized that I had survived - I survived all that pain and turmoil of depression, and I was now stronger than ever!
Recently, a friend said that she didn't want to be friends anymore. I was pretty sad about that, but I just tell myself over and over again that she was never my friend to begin with. A true friend is forever and is out looking for my best interests - and that friend is my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Today, I go to a Metropolitan Community Church. It's excellent - the people there are very nice and it's very welcoming.
I still have bad days sometimes, but when I fall, I know that God will be there to catch me.