Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Overcoming internalized Ableism

content/trigger warning: lengthy discussion of internalized ableism, ABA, suicdial ideation

I've been through a lot in my short 25 years.  I was bullied, ridiculed, excluded, and made to feel like I was inferior to others.

When I was diagnosed as Autistic at age 3, I was immediately placed in special education, and that''s where my nightmare began.

I was also subject to ABA-like therapies.  I was told not to hum, repeat phrases as part of my echolalia, or stim, among other things.

I tried really hard to fit in with my peers because I was ashamed of being autistic.  I was ashamed of being who I was.

It really took a toll on me.  I tried to commit suicide twice - once when I was 21 and again just a few months ago.

After my second suicide attempt, I had to be hospitalized.  While I was there, I prayed, sang inspirational songs and read Joyce Meyer devotionals.

I started to grow stronger in my Christian faith, and not I realize that all the ableism I internalized over the years is the devil's lies to try and bring me down.

Today, my self-esteem is much higher than it was before,  I'm grateful for the Lord for saving me.  If I didn't have him, I don't know what I'd do.

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