content/trigger warning: survivor's guilt, suicidal ideation/attempts, a long rant, transphobia, ableism, anti-LGBTQ bigotry, racism, mention of low self-esteem, mention of early intervention/ABA
I'm a queer, trans, neurodivergent person of color. Let that run past your account where you have four odds stacked against you, being marginalized for all these things.
I've struggled with depression and low self-esteem most of my life. I never felt like I was good enough because of my race, because of my neurodivergence, and because of me being queer and trans.
I've also battled with suicidal thoughts and even attempted it twice. I was just so overwhelmed with everything that I couldn't take it anymore.
Let's start with the race thing. When I was little, I wanted the White Barbie dolls instead of the Black ones. They just seemed prettier to me. Plus, I was jealous that White people had this long, beautiful straight hair, and here I was with this curly, nappy cotton-ball hair. So in middle school, I opted to get my hair pressed when I went to the hairdresser. Also, in middle school, I had trouble finding cosmetics that would compliment my brown complexion, Especially blushes. Most of them were either too light or didn't show up at all on my skin. The whole thing was just frustrating.
And about being Autistic and mentally ill, it's hard. There are so many people who don't understand me, or my neurology. When I was younger, I was subject to early intervention shortly after my Autism diagnosis, which involved the grueling applied behavioral analysis, aka ABA. All it really did for me was give me shitty PTSD, and it led me to believe that I had to be like everyone else to be considered worthy. So from at an early age, I tried to fit in with everyone else, but it just made me depressed in the end. My depression got so bad that I thought about suicide many times and attempted it twice, as I said earlier.
And being LGBTQ, yeah, that has its challenges too. I knew I was queer since I was 12 years old, but I didn't realize I was transgender until I got to my twenties. I felt a lot of shame for being queer and trans because other people thought that it was a sin, so I thought I was going to hell for liking other women and being trans. I spent years trying convince myself that I was a cis girl. I tried my best adapting to she/her pronouns, but it just didn't feel right. Plus, I thought about buying a Playgirl magazine to try and curb my desires for other women, and increase my desires for men, but what stopped me is the fact that I hate looking at naked men.
All these things led be to believe that the world wasn't made for me, and that I don't belong in this world. But that's not true - those are all lies that the devil tries to instill in us. I'm a Christian, and I believe that there are good spirits, and that there are evil spirits.
These days, I embrace who I am, by wearing Afrocentric styles such as locs. I am a proud queer and trans person - I go to LGBTQ events and socialize with LGBTQ people. And I'm involved in Autism activism - I'm the chapter leader of Autistic Self Advocacy Network's DC chapter.
I think we all should embrace our differences. They're what make us unique.
Thanks for reading. Bye!
Showing posts with label transgender. Show all posts
Showing posts with label transgender. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
Monday, June 6, 2016
Why Proper Trans Health Care Is Crucial
content/trigger warning: transphobia/discrimination, police brutality
I'm an agender person. That means I don't identify with any gender. Shouldn't be a big deal, right? Well, to many people, it is.
My therapist doesn't believe there's such a thing as agender - she believes that there are only two genders: male and female. She also said that I have "sexual identity disorder". It made me feel invalidated, like my gender wasn't real.
Unfortunately, my situation's not unique. Many trans and gender nonconforming people have had to jump through hoops to get the proper health care they need. Just check out the Twitter hashtag #TransHealthFail. You'll see what I'm talking about.
It's crucial for transgender people to get the health care they need because it's vital for their well-being.
Kayden Clarke was an Autistic trans man who had a service dog and was often seen with him on his videos. Kayden wanted to start hormone replacement therapy - testosterone - but his therapist told him he couldn't start HRT until his Autism was "fixed".
That statement sent Kayden into an emotional tailspin. In one of his Youtube videos, he talked about how Arizona, his home state, had one of the worst mental health systems in the country.
One day Kayden was having a crisis, so a relative called the police to check on him. The police say that Kayden brandished them with a knife, so they shot him and killed him.
While covering the story of Kayden's death, various media outlets misgendered and deadnamed him. This is bad because the rest of the country will know who he really was - a young man with a big heart.
To prevent other tragedies like Kayden's, we have to make sure trans and gender variant people are getting the proper healthcare. It is critical to our safety and well-being.
I'm an agender person. That means I don't identify with any gender. Shouldn't be a big deal, right? Well, to many people, it is.
My therapist doesn't believe there's such a thing as agender - she believes that there are only two genders: male and female. She also said that I have "sexual identity disorder". It made me feel invalidated, like my gender wasn't real.
Unfortunately, my situation's not unique. Many trans and gender nonconforming people have had to jump through hoops to get the proper health care they need. Just check out the Twitter hashtag #TransHealthFail. You'll see what I'm talking about.
It's crucial for transgender people to get the health care they need because it's vital for their well-being.
Kayden Clarke was an Autistic trans man who had a service dog and was often seen with him on his videos. Kayden wanted to start hormone replacement therapy - testosterone - but his therapist told him he couldn't start HRT until his Autism was "fixed".
That statement sent Kayden into an emotional tailspin. In one of his Youtube videos, he talked about how Arizona, his home state, had one of the worst mental health systems in the country.
One day Kayden was having a crisis, so a relative called the police to check on him. The police say that Kayden brandished them with a knife, so they shot him and killed him.
While covering the story of Kayden's death, various media outlets misgendered and deadnamed him. This is bad because the rest of the country will know who he really was - a young man with a big heart.
To prevent other tragedies like Kayden's, we have to make sure trans and gender variant people are getting the proper healthcare. It is critical to our safety and well-being.
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
10 Things Not to Say to a Genderqueer/Nonbinary Person
content/trigger warning: really disparaging remarks and other things that shouldn't be said.
If you're nonbinary or genderqueer, chances are you've heard binary people say some shitty things to you about your gender. Here are some common remarks that nonbinary people often hear:
1. "Your gender isn't real/your gender is bullshit."
How would you feel if I told you that your gender wasn't real or was bullshit? Pretty lousy, right? Well, when you tell a nonbinary person that their gender isn't real, it invalidates their feelings and their experiences. I don't knock you for your gender, so don't knock me for mine.
2. "What bathroom do you use?"
That's a very personal question. Some of us feel comfortable using gendered restrooms, others feel more comfortable using gender-neutral restrooms, especially if we don't "pass" as any gender. Bottom line: don't ask us this question because it's very rude.
3. "What's in your pants?"
Magic! Just kidding! But seriously, it's just plain rude to ask a person what genitals they have because they're private parts. You don't need to know what my nether regions are, OK?
4. "When are you gonna really transition?"
Not all nonbinary people take hormones or undergo surgery to transition. Some people are happy without those things. Some people don't even change their name or pronouns, and that's OK. Trans people should be allowed to transition in any way they please.
5. "But the Bible says..."
Yes, God created male and female people, ("So God created in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." - Genesis 1:27 NIV), but He also created intersex and nonbinary individuals as well. And besides, when God sent His son Jesus Christ to die for our sins, we have all been redeemed. ("There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male or female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." Galatians 3:28, NIV). OK, I'm a Christian, so naturally I'm gonna quote Scripture, but the Bible does not condemn trans individuals. Plain and simple.
6. "You can like this/wear that and still be a boy/girl."
Gender expression is different from gender identity. Gender expression is how one expresses their idea of being a boy, girl or nonbinary. Gender identity is how a person feels about their gender. If a person tells you that they're a particular gender, then they are that gender. Please don't dismiss that person's feelings.
7. "Why can't you just be gay?"
Being gay (or bi) and being trans are two totally different things. Sexuality is who you want to go to bed with. Gender identity is who you want to go to bed as. Some trans people are gay, bi or asexual. Others aren't. Make sense?
8. "It's just a phase."
Argh...just ARGH! Being genderqueer or nonbinary is not a phase, for Pete's sake! It's simply how some people are. Is being cis "just a phase"? Of course not! So don't tell me my gender is just a phase, we clear?
9. "Just pick one, already!"
I can't choose either boy or girl because I don't identify as either one. I'm agender - please respect that.
10. "'They' isn't a pronoun."
Um, yes, it is. Just because you don't think they/them/their is a valid pronoun doesn't mean it is invalid. My pronouns are they/them/their. Please respect them.
If you're nonbinary or genderqueer, chances are you've heard binary people say some shitty things to you about your gender. Here are some common remarks that nonbinary people often hear:
1. "Your gender isn't real/your gender is bullshit."
How would you feel if I told you that your gender wasn't real or was bullshit? Pretty lousy, right? Well, when you tell a nonbinary person that their gender isn't real, it invalidates their feelings and their experiences. I don't knock you for your gender, so don't knock me for mine.
2. "What bathroom do you use?"
That's a very personal question. Some of us feel comfortable using gendered restrooms, others feel more comfortable using gender-neutral restrooms, especially if we don't "pass" as any gender. Bottom line: don't ask us this question because it's very rude.
3. "What's in your pants?"
Magic! Just kidding! But seriously, it's just plain rude to ask a person what genitals they have because they're private parts. You don't need to know what my nether regions are, OK?
4. "When are you gonna really transition?"
Not all nonbinary people take hormones or undergo surgery to transition. Some people are happy without those things. Some people don't even change their name or pronouns, and that's OK. Trans people should be allowed to transition in any way they please.
5. "But the Bible says..."
Yes, God created male and female people, ("So God created in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." - Genesis 1:27 NIV), but He also created intersex and nonbinary individuals as well. And besides, when God sent His son Jesus Christ to die for our sins, we have all been redeemed. ("There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male or female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." Galatians 3:28, NIV). OK, I'm a Christian, so naturally I'm gonna quote Scripture, but the Bible does not condemn trans individuals. Plain and simple.
6. "You can like this/wear that and still be a boy/girl."
Gender expression is different from gender identity. Gender expression is how one expresses their idea of being a boy, girl or nonbinary. Gender identity is how a person feels about their gender. If a person tells you that they're a particular gender, then they are that gender. Please don't dismiss that person's feelings.
7. "Why can't you just be gay?"
Being gay (or bi) and being trans are two totally different things. Sexuality is who you want to go to bed with. Gender identity is who you want to go to bed as. Some trans people are gay, bi or asexual. Others aren't. Make sense?
8. "It's just a phase."
Argh...just ARGH! Being genderqueer or nonbinary is not a phase, for Pete's sake! It's simply how some people are. Is being cis "just a phase"? Of course not! So don't tell me my gender is just a phase, we clear?
9. "Just pick one, already!"
I can't choose either boy or girl because I don't identify as either one. I'm agender - please respect that.
10. "'They' isn't a pronoun."
Um, yes, it is. Just because you don't think they/them/their is a valid pronoun doesn't mean it is invalid. My pronouns are they/them/their. Please respect them.
Saturday, May 28, 2016
I'm Not a Man or a Woman
I'm gonna cut to the chase: I'm not a man or a woman - I'm agender. Here's my story:
I always felt anxiety whenever someone called me a girl or used she/her pronouns to describe me. It just didn't feel right. But at the same time, I didn't want to be called a boy or have people use he/him/his pronouns to describe me either. I didn't know there were people who used they/them/their pronouns, so I just stuck with she/her for all these years.
I played with both Legos and Barbies as a kid, but I was especially drawn to the Barbies because of their long hair and cool fashions. There was this one time my mom bought a football, but it was for my cousin, who's a guy. I was pretty upset about it. I wanted to play with the football too.
Clothes weren't really a big deal for me until forth grade, except for the fact that I NEVER liked to wear dresses or skirts. My mom and my aunt would always say things like, "Oh, you look so cute!", but I was always like, "No, no, NO!". Dresses were just never really comfortable for me - and I don't owe anyone an explanation for that.
About fourth grade, like I said, I didn't feel pressure to be "trendy" until around that time. This girl said that my clothes were babyish, and that people were going to laugh at me. At the time, I was wearing patterned shirts, such as those with checker prints and stripes, leggings and sweaters with cat screenprints. I was already feeling like a freak, and I didn't want people to laugh at me, so shortly after the girl said that, I asked my mom to take me to JCPenney to buy me some "cooler" clothes.
When I got to high school, I wanted to wear name brand clothes like Aeropostale and Hollister, but I was such a large person, I couldn't fit into those clothes. I was crushed.
I tried so hard to fit in and be a "typical" girl that I fell into a deep depression that seemed to last forever. Honestly, what delivered me from that depression was the love and grace of my Savior Jesus Christ. Without Him, I would probably be a mess today.
I also met people who identified as nonbinary and transgender, which helped me figure out who I am. I'm agender, and my pronouns are they/them./their.
That's all for now. Have a blessed day!
I always felt anxiety whenever someone called me a girl or used she/her pronouns to describe me. It just didn't feel right. But at the same time, I didn't want to be called a boy or have people use he/him/his pronouns to describe me either. I didn't know there were people who used they/them/their pronouns, so I just stuck with she/her for all these years.
I played with both Legos and Barbies as a kid, but I was especially drawn to the Barbies because of their long hair and cool fashions. There was this one time my mom bought a football, but it was for my cousin, who's a guy. I was pretty upset about it. I wanted to play with the football too.
Clothes weren't really a big deal for me until forth grade, except for the fact that I NEVER liked to wear dresses or skirts. My mom and my aunt would always say things like, "Oh, you look so cute!", but I was always like, "No, no, NO!". Dresses were just never really comfortable for me - and I don't owe anyone an explanation for that.
About fourth grade, like I said, I didn't feel pressure to be "trendy" until around that time. This girl said that my clothes were babyish, and that people were going to laugh at me. At the time, I was wearing patterned shirts, such as those with checker prints and stripes, leggings and sweaters with cat screenprints. I was already feeling like a freak, and I didn't want people to laugh at me, so shortly after the girl said that, I asked my mom to take me to JCPenney to buy me some "cooler" clothes.
When I got to high school, I wanted to wear name brand clothes like Aeropostale and Hollister, but I was such a large person, I couldn't fit into those clothes. I was crushed.
I tried so hard to fit in and be a "typical" girl that I fell into a deep depression that seemed to last forever. Honestly, what delivered me from that depression was the love and grace of my Savior Jesus Christ. Without Him, I would probably be a mess today.
I also met people who identified as nonbinary and transgender, which helped me figure out who I am. I'm agender, and my pronouns are they/them./their.
That's all for now. Have a blessed day!
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
An Open Letter to the Governors of North Carolina and Mississippi
To Governors Pat McCrory and Phil Bryant,
My name is Kristy Young, and I am a Black, Autistic lesbian from Maryland. I am writing this letter because I want to tell you how I feel about the "religious freedom" laws you have passed in your states.
First of all, Gov. Phil Bryant, denying an LGBTQ person service based on your religious beliefs is wrong because not everyone has the same beliefs and views, so if you refuse service to a person because of this, you are basically saying that your views are right and the other person's views are wrong and therefore that person should not be given the same liberties and rights as you should, which is unfair.
Also, Gov. Bryant, this country was founded on the basis of religious freedom, but you are taking it too far. Religious freedom means being able to worship, or to not worship, in any way you want to. It does not mean that you get to deny service to a person because of your beliefs.
People have used the "religious freedom" excuse to deny rights to women, Black people, disabled people and other marginalized groups, but they are wrong because the Bible says to treat others the way you would want to be treated, to help the poor and the widowed and to love your neighbor as yourself.
Gov. Pat McCrory, transgender people already face enough difficulties from society. Please do not add any more. By signing HB2 into law, you have only made life more difficult for them by restricting their right to use the bathroom they feel most comfortable using. What is a person supposed to do if they need to use the restroom? Hold it until they get home? That would be unhealthy and would strip the person of their dignity. Transgender women are real women, and transgender men are real men, and there are people who identify as neither gender or both genders as well, so this law would really affect these people too.
Also, Gov. McCrory, banning protections for LGBTQ people is not right because as a whole, LGBTQ people already face a lot of prejudice and bigotry from other people, so we need protections to ensure that we are given the same freedoms and rights as straight, cisgender people.
Furthermore, being lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning is not a disorder, a choice or a sin. It is simply how some people are. Nobody knows why some people are LGBTQ, but nevertheless, it is wrong to discriminate against somebody because they are different from you.
I hope you take all this into consideration and repeal these laws.
Sincerely,
Kristy Young
My name is Kristy Young, and I am a Black, Autistic lesbian from Maryland. I am writing this letter because I want to tell you how I feel about the "religious freedom" laws you have passed in your states.
First of all, Gov. Phil Bryant, denying an LGBTQ person service based on your religious beliefs is wrong because not everyone has the same beliefs and views, so if you refuse service to a person because of this, you are basically saying that your views are right and the other person's views are wrong and therefore that person should not be given the same liberties and rights as you should, which is unfair.
Also, Gov. Bryant, this country was founded on the basis of religious freedom, but you are taking it too far. Religious freedom means being able to worship, or to not worship, in any way you want to. It does not mean that you get to deny service to a person because of your beliefs.
People have used the "religious freedom" excuse to deny rights to women, Black people, disabled people and other marginalized groups, but they are wrong because the Bible says to treat others the way you would want to be treated, to help the poor and the widowed and to love your neighbor as yourself.
Gov. Pat McCrory, transgender people already face enough difficulties from society. Please do not add any more. By signing HB2 into law, you have only made life more difficult for them by restricting their right to use the bathroom they feel most comfortable using. What is a person supposed to do if they need to use the restroom? Hold it until they get home? That would be unhealthy and would strip the person of their dignity. Transgender women are real women, and transgender men are real men, and there are people who identify as neither gender or both genders as well, so this law would really affect these people too.
Also, Gov. McCrory, banning protections for LGBTQ people is not right because as a whole, LGBTQ people already face a lot of prejudice and bigotry from other people, so we need protections to ensure that we are given the same freedoms and rights as straight, cisgender people.
Furthermore, being lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning is not a disorder, a choice or a sin. It is simply how some people are. Nobody knows why some people are LGBTQ, but nevertheless, it is wrong to discriminate against somebody because they are different from you.
I hope you take all this into consideration and repeal these laws.
Sincerely,
Kristy Young
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